I want to tell you a secret… I am afraid. This process of writing my thoughts down for everyone to see, to read, to judge, to like (or dislike) and to understand (or misunderstand) is really very terrifying for me. You see, I have come to this realization in the past months and years; I have a very strong desire to be liked and to be understood. I would say that being liked and understood are definitely idols in my life.
I don’t think the desire to be liked or understood are always negative things. Many times, these desires help me to be a more thoughtful and perceptive person. Unfortunately, there are other times where these same desires will cause me shrink back from the world and to feel very alone.
This past March, I packed myself up and trekked across the country to a yoga training in Washington state. It was at this Yogafaith training (https://yogafaith.org) that I began to see my idols a little more clearly. At the training, I was surrounded with other, like-minded individuals who wanted to learn how to teach yoga, while at the same time helping their students to deepen their relationship with God through the love of Jesus Christ.
Upon coming home, I began to see my new YogaFaith “tribe” posting what they were doing back in their hometowns. People who had never taught a yoga class before were starting to teach and their classes were FULL. It was beautiful and inspiring to watch. It was ironic to me that I had been teaching scripture-based, “InnerLight” yoga classes in my home town of Black Mountain, NC since 2012, but I rarely, if ever, posted anything about it on social media. I felt that God was trying to show me something.
The conversation went (and is still going) something like this:
me: I can not (or do not) want to share what I am doing on social media.
God: Why not?
me: people might think that I was bragging or self-promoting.
God: What if I want others to see what I AM doing in your life? Technically, that’s not self-promoting, that’s God-promoting.
me: yeah but, who cares? Who wants to read what I have to say?
God: You will never know ‘who cares’ if you don’t put it out there.
me: what if it fails?
God: That’s Ok, I am with you.
me: what if people don’t understand me or don’t like me?
God: That’s Ok, because I do.
me: but, I am afraid of what people might think.
God: (gently and firmly) Kelly, please get yourself out of the way.
So here goes… this blog is one of my attempts to “get myself out of the way” and to share what God is doing in my life. It is a powerful (and scary) thing to set aside fear to walk in presence of the Most High Love. I want to express my deepest gratitude to you, gentle reader, for being a witness to this. My prayer is that you would be blessed through the process and along the way.
